Reflections in the Park
by Gangsta Videl
Summary: Nagi goes out to the park one day to meet with someone, and ends up meeting a few people he wishes he hadn't... Nagi's POV, oneshot, *OC* character death. Angstify me, Cap'n.


Reflections in the Park  
  
A/N: Yeppers, this is a Nagi/Tot ficcie.... I don't see enough of these on ff.net, so I'm writing my own, and GUESS WHAT?! For once, it's NOT humor! *shock appall horror gasp horror* So HA! This is just me, writing a SERIOUS fic about my FAVORITE Weiß Kreuz couple. Which is scary enough, so let me add that this will be a POV. And it's ANGSTY! My first ANGST! *faints*  
  
A serious, non-humor, het of a POV that is also an ANGST!  
  
Wow. Considering all those raving yaoi fangirls, this may be a good time for me to build a bombshelter... *coughs* *builds* *hides*  
  
Nagi's POV on his life. Ooh. Aah. Ever'body go grab yerself some poppycorns's, this's 'bout ta get interestin'. Actually... yeah, it WILL be interestin'.  
  
Warnings: Abuse, death, violence... throw in some angst and some romance... and some superhero-esque-D.I.D.-saving. And then more angst and more death. And a smidgeon of yaoi. And this is also a N/T. Morons.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothiiiiiiiiing! Not even my braaaaaaaaain! Whaddaya know, that thing's actually a rental... o_o!  
  
Schu: You, sir, are a moron.  
  
Gangsta Videl: I'm not a sir, dammit! _ *whacks Schu over the head with a flyswatter* *opens a Dr. Pepper*  
  
Brad: *sighs* She's right, Schuldig.  
  
Gangsta Videl: Damn straight I am! *takes a sip of her Dr. Pepper*  
  
Schu: What with the way she obsesses over Farf, it was hard to tell that you weren't NOT straight...  
  
Gangsta Videl: *attempts to laugh* *snorts Dr. Pepper out her nose* *whimpers* Owie...  
  
Schu: That's a warning for you, kids. Never drink and laugh. It always ends up in a fatality of some sort.  
  
Brad: In this case, several brain cells suffered a very horrible, very painful death.  
  
Gansgta Videl: -.- ... shi-ne. .... ON WITH THE FIC!!! o_o  
  
******************************************************  
  
The rain is falling again. I barely notice it as Tot and I cock Brad's gun up in between the man's eyes. I can feel an intense anger swelling over me, threatening to pour out in a quick act of pain and suffering, all of that directed towards this man.  
  
"Any last words?" I ask him darkly, never once blinking or showing my pain. Rather, I show him that I have learned to be as cold and bastardized as him.  
  
"Please... you can't... I'm... I'm your... you can't... "  
  
I narrow my eyes. "Some last words... "  
  
Schuldig coughs from behind me. I glance back, making sure the gun stays steady. Brad nods to me, and I nod back. Farfarello grins, playfully tossing a knife back and forth between his hands.  
  
I look back, nothing but hatred in my vision. I smile, wrapping my index finger around the trigger. Tot does the same, her smaller finger resting gently on mine, which is now tugging lightly at the trigger. "Good-bye."  
  
His dark brown eyes widen in fear, and he tries to call out, but I pull the trigger before I can hear his voice. His body seizes up and his eyes roll back into his head as his limp body pitches forward, blood pooling around him, the raindrops making ripples in his crimson puddles.  
  
Tot reaches out and touches my face with her left hand, and I smile at her, tossing Crawford's gun back to him. He catches it as if it were nothing more than a ball, a mere child's toy, and not the tool of a trained assassin.  
  
Schuldig whistles and kicks at the body. "How'd he get to be like this, anyway, Nagi?" He doesn't mean dead. He wants to know why I killed him... and why I smiled as I did it. I take a deep breath and slowly fade away into the memories of today...  
  
*****  
  
The day had started out normal enough, that was true. Sometime around ten I said I would be going out on a walk, and after grabbing ahold of Crawford's black umbrella, made my way to the park not too far away from our apartment.  
  
I sighed as I sat down on the park bench, the black umbrella above me to prevent the cold shower from thoroughly drenching me. I usually liked the park; it's the only place I can get away and think. But that's not the reason I was frowning.  
  
It was raining. I hate the rain.  
  
I don't know why I even bother, sometimes. Trying to pretend that the past didn't happen... it's insane. The rain always reminds me of that day, when my parents just dumped me.  
  
Honest to God. The people who supposedly loved me more than anything in the world left me on the side of the street, on a rainy day. Just like this one.  
  
I was only, what? Six? Seven? God, I thought they would come back for me. I don't think I stopped waiting for them for the longest time. When did I actually stop and tell myself that they weren't coming back? It took awhile, that's for sure.  
  
Not that the first seven years of my life were anything fabulous. My alcoholic mother and abusive father and me, in one of the worst apartments and districts known to Japan. But we were a family, at least. Or we would've been, anyway. Was it my fault that they didn't understand?  
  
It was raining then, too. And my stupid mother was cooking some shit for my retarded father. I suppose I should think highly of them for giving me life, but it's hard for me to think of them in any kind way, considering the pain I've endured because of them.  
  
Anyway, as my moronic, half-wit excuse for a mother was cooking (I told you, it's hard to be nice), my overly-drunken father came into the kitchen. I was already there, sitting under the table, trying not to be scolded. Which was hard, really. My parents weren't so keen on love.  
  
Now that I think about it, I don't think I ever heard the word 'love' used by them in context to another living being. Alcohol, yes, and television, but never me or even each other.  
  
Damn. The more I think about it, the more detestable they become.  
  
Anyway... they got into yet another argument. About my mother's cooking, I suppose. I tried to block out their fights. It was my lullaby as a baby, and the rock concerts I heard as a kid.  
  
How bad were their fights...? By the time I was three, I knew more cuss words than most people do at age ninety-three. That's how bad they were. And they were speaking 'politely' near me since I was their kid, too!  
  
Which should tell you something about the gene pool from which I've come. Loathesome, ne?  
  
My father, that bastard, he began overthrowing dishes to get my mom upset. She was just crying, not even caring that her son was in the way of a particularly large knife that my father liked to threaten us with.  
  
I guess that bastard had had enough of her shit and threw it at her. She screamed and ducked, leaving me an open target. Which might've been understandable, at least, except that she knew where I was and that by moving, I would be the one to get hit and possibly die.  
  
What a bitch. And she dared called herself a mother? I scowl at the rain. It really is a depressing memory. The fact that I somehow managed to save myself using powers I never knew I had, and that my bastardized parents couldn't stand it and left me alone on a street corner brings me more pain than anything else I've seen in my life.  
  
Leaving me. Alone. In the worst district of Tokyo. And I was just a little kid!  
  
Picture the worst part of New York City. Now, add in a few dozen more hookers, whores, gangs, a few more muggers, and a lot more screams and gunshots. That only begins to describe the place they left me.  
  
I clenched my fists, barely aware of the low-pitched growl I was emitting. Sometimes, I just get so mad... I have stop myself quickly, and force myself to calm down before the rocks around me can shake.  
  
See, Schuldig and I, we have this theory. We think I might be psychokinetic. That basically means that instead of my mind, my feelings manage to move things around, acting on the whims that my mind conceives. I should rephrase that; Acting on the whims I'm not even aware of.  
  
Like the thing in the Schreient mansion...  
  
I sighed, glancing up into the sky. It's still dark and clouded, just like it was when I left the apartment.  
  
I guess coming to the park is just another excuse to get out of that mad house, but at the same time... those guys in there, the Schwarz team, they're more of a family to me than those damn idiots were. Which is saying something, considering.  
  
That's another rainy day I don't think I'll ever forget. The day I found (or rather, was found) by two of the three people I now live with.  
  
Irony runs deep. But fate runs much deeper. Especially when you're dealing with Esset.  
  
See, I had to be--what, eleven? Twelve?---when Brad and Schu found me. Still living in the outskirts, mind you. To be more precise, the slum of an orphanage wouldn't take me in after I used my new powers to save myself from getting hit in the eye with a fork.  
  
Damn people. Damn the world. Damn everyone who thinks they know better than me, and who think I'm a freak. They can't call me a freak until they've tried living my life for just one day.  
  
So, wouldn't you know, I just happen to get mugged and beaten by this dispicable pedophile. But I wasn't really aware of my powers yet, so there was nothing I could really do to stop him.  
  
Turns out the freak had a gun, too. Which is always positive for a twelve- year-old to have smashed into his temple.  
  
To this, I say: only in Tokyo.  
  
So, of course, being the person he is, Brad just had to run around the corner just then. Which scared the hell out of me, by the way. And the guy turned to face him, only to have Crawford punch him right in the nose, followed by a punch in the gut, courtesy of Schuldig. Then they looked over and started talking to me. Well, damn, I thought they were gangsters or something and that the pedophilic freak had invaded their territory or something, so I just tried to get underneath the fire-escape and keep myself from being harmed.  
  
Then they looked at each other. I guess they were talking with telepathy. All I remember is, Brad actually kneeling down in the dirt to coax me out of my safe haven and leading me off to meet with Esset.  
  
And that's how a prodigy is born, I guess.  
  
I guess that's when my life turned around, but I don't really see it that way. In my opinion, my life got better, but it was far from being a turnaround. I mean, joining an elite group of people with powers? Being a bodyguard and an assassin? Actually having mortal enemies who would as soon kill me as look at me?  
  
Not what I'd consider a turnaround, that's for sure.  
  
But there are definate plusses. Schwarz, for instance. I mean, as insane as we all are, we are a family. A slightly psychotic one, but still a family.  
  
Try looking at it his way: it's like I live with my dad and my uncles. Crawford is basically the father I always needed during my childhood; strong, caring, actually willing to do shit to save my life, unlike that God-forsaken bastard of a person I dare call my biological father. I mean, sure, he has times when I'd like to hit him over the head with something, but he's always there to help us out.  
  
I guess that's because he's an American. Supposedly, they are a bastardized culture that really do care, deep down, but would rather the world think them to be cold. The fact that he's precognitive doesn't even phase me. I like to think that maybe, just maybe, he knows what it's like to be that kid out on the streets, rejecting for his psychic abilities.  
  
Then there's Schuldig. Now that's a weird one. I can't even imagine trying to live life in Germany as a telepath. It's bad enough he can't even hear his own thoughts half the time, but when I think about having to go through that in childhood?  
  
Schu deals well, I suppose. Downing Advil all the time to drown out other people, drinking, even smoking... he acts normal enough, despite our whole night job. Sometimes I think he's part schizophrenic. I mean, at times he's just like an uncle to me, and the next minute he's shooting some guy in the head.  
  
Maybe he justs acts that way to keep himself sane. God, when I start thinking about it... how many people have I killed, or helped to kill? And how do I manage to keep sane? That's easy. I come here, to this park, and I just... think.  
  
Sometimes I think that's all I can do. Just keep my head, stay calm, and think. But it's better than Farfie.  
  
Farfie was the last member to join Schwarz. I didn't meet him until after Crawford had introduced me to Esset. He's... well, he's insane. In the bad kind of way.  
  
Out of all of us, he probably had the best childhood. I mean, growing up with a real family? And attending the best Catholic school in all of Ireland? But I guess his real mom was that nun, Ruth. Farf went nuts when he found out he'd been lied to by the people he thought were his family weren't. And he killed them all.  
  
But he doesn't remember doing it.  
  
Sister Ruth did, though. That was his real mom. And she tried to save Farf, too, awhile back. Farfarello... well, he started to resent God when she told him that a burglar had murdered his family. He thought God had let his parents get killed for no apparent reason.  
  
There are times I feel sorry for him. I mean, he was only six when he went insane and killed them. Figure he spent the next twelve years in an insane asylum, and, well... I just don't know what to think. I mean, he can be sane at times, like when we're dealing with Esset or Takatori, but then there are times when he's feeding our things into his blender.  
  
But I couldn't see life without them.  
  
I know it sounds stupid, but Schwarz really is my family. They took me in and took care of me, and I owe them that. I'd probably have been killed by that lunatic if Crawford and Schu hadn't shown up. I owe them my life.  
  
I paused for a moment, glancing back up at the sky again. The rain was letting up. Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad day afterall.  
  
That still leaves me enough time to think about them, then, before she shows up. Weiss. Our 'mortal enemies.'  
  
Which is actually pretty stupid. I mean, all of us are assassins. What is it about us that makes us the evil guys? They kill people, too. So how are they the good guys? It doesn't really make sense.  
  
Are they good because they think they are? Or is it because they claim to kill only to protect? We kill, they kill... so why are we the bad guys? Supposedly, they have morals. And we don't?  
  
I guess I should blame Esset for that. But I don't. They saved me, afterall. Actually, Crawford and Schuldig saved me, then brought me to Esset. But that still doesn't explain why Weiss hate Esset so much. Is it because of Abyssinian's sister? Damn! Life's more complicated than I thought.  
  
If they kill for money, and we kill for the same reason, aren't we all the same? What makes them so much better than us?  
  
I sighed and leaned back, allowing my backside to touch the wet bench and become sodden. I wouldn't be here much longer, anyway. Just until she came.  
  
She. Her. Tot. My Toto-chan.  
  
I don't think I'll ever even think about another person the way I think of Tot. I know it sounds crazy, what with me only being fifteen, but you'd be amazed how mature everyone thinks I am. I guess living on the streets makes you grow up fast.  
  
Tot... there really is no one else like her in the world. And I mean that. Schu finds it funny that I fell in love with her. He likes to tease me about her, and say I'm more in love with the idea of love than with Tot herself.  
  
I didn't have anything to say to him when he said that. I just sent him flying into a wall and left him alone to think about it for awhile.  
  
I know I'm young. And Tot knows it, too. But we really do love each other... or maybe it's just fate. I don't really know anymore, but I'm glad I met her.  
  
I probably wouldn't still be around if it weren't for her.  
  
Sounds stupid, I know. But you must realize, when I thought she'd died... it was like that part of me, that one part that could finally love and trust after so long, just... died. After years of agony, she manages to open my heart... and then gets stabbed.  
  
I don't really remember what happened. I remember crying, and hugging her to me, and her saying sorry... sorry for not being able to protect her... And I can remember crying out for her, but that's all.  
  
I think that's when I snapped completely.  
  
Brad says I knocked the entire compound down. And I believe him, too. I don't doubt that I did it. Actually, I hope it really did happen, just so everyone knows the true extent of my feelings towards my Tot.  
  
See, no one in Schwarz likes Tot much. Especially Crawford. He thinks that since Tot was a part of Schreient, she shouldn't be allowed to stay with us---which is why she can't.  
  
Personally, I think he's being ridiculous.  
  
I mean, Tot's an assassin just like us. And she had a hard life, the same as all of us. Her damn father was as abusive as mine, maybe even more.  
  
No, definately more. Because that fucking retard abused her so badly, she's been warped. It's because of that man that her mental capacity is that of a four-year old. I swore to her once that if I ever met him, I would kill him. And I'll keep that promise, too.  
  
Back then, when she had to live with that thing, her name was Nanami Hibino. But she got rid of that name long ago, when Masafumi 'saved her.' She's just Tot now.  
  
Personally, I like that name. She named herself, and I think it's much prettier than Nanami. Or maybe I'm biased. It's hard to tell nowadays.  
  
"Nagi-kun!"  
  
I didn't even have to look up to know that it was her. She had told me she wanted to see me there, that day, in the park. So of course I said yes.  
  
What can I say? I'm a sucker for a cute face.  
  
"Tot-chan!" I called out to her, standing up. She waved from underneath her bright yellow umbrella, and I smiled. I tend to do that a lot around her. It must be contagious.  
  
She grinned and ran over and that's when I noticed it.  
  
"It's stopped raining... " Tot blinked and looked up.  
  
"Nagi-kun! You're right! The rain has stopped!" She grinned. "Nagi-kun, you're very smart." I blushed. She makes it sound like I'm some sort of heroic savior, like a knight in shining armor, coming to save her from a dragon or something.  
  
Together, we sat back down on the bench, our umbrellas closed. It may not seem like much, but it means the world to me. Despite what Schuldig says about it. I vaguely noticed a tall man and a little boy head over to the lake behind us with a model boat.  
  
I wish I'd had a father to do that with as a kid... instead I got Mr. "My child has devil powers so I'll leave him on the streets" for a dad.  
  
"Nagi-kun... ? Do you think you and I will be together forever?" She looked over at me, and I stared at her. Was she asking what I thought she was asking?  
  
"I like to think that," I replied slowly. "I'd like to think we can be this way... together... for all of forever."  
  
Tot's smile just seems to grow. Before I can think about it, her lips are against mine.  
  
Why waste a perfectly moment just sitting around?  
  
I don't even need to think about this. I just close my eyes and kiss her back.  
  
She pulls away a minute later, and I can tell she's as flushed as I am.  
  
"Nagi-kun has improved at kissig," she stated, and I laughed. "Improved a whole lot!"  
  
It's hard to be angry or upset when Tot's around. She just seems to brighten up my life... It sounds corny, I know, but it's true.  
  
"You're pretty good too, you know... " I said, cupping her chin in my hand. She blushed and started fishing around in her oversized pockets. I blinked, confused.  
  
"Tot... ? What're you---?"  
  
She grinned and waved her stuffed-rabbit around. Mr. Rabbi. The only gift her real father ever gave her. She suddenly stopped and looked up at me, frowning.  
  
"Nagi? When you have a big house... can Mr. Rabbi come and live there?"  
  
I smiled and wrapped my arm around her comfortingly. "Of course. But only if you come, too."  
  
That made her smile. I knew it would. I know it sounds really corny, but when she's sad, I'm sad. I just feel like I should be making her happy, not letting her feel sad and depressed. I actually feel guilty when she looks sad.  
  
Damn. I sound love sick. I need to stop hanging around Schuldig all the time, or he'll figure it out.  
  
I should've mentioned that. See, technically speaking, I'm not supposed to be with Tot... alone, at least. Crawford's afraid we'll hijack a plane, fly to the states and elope or something.  
  
As if.  
  
If I really wanted to marry her, I'd ask her. With a ring and everything. I can't see why Brad doesn't get that fork out of his ass and just see the freaking future before I go out. It's not like we have some elusive plan where we steal an F16 and go to America and elope. Good idea, though, but it would never work. Brad would kill me before he even dreamt of letting that happen.  
  
"Nagi... ?"  
  
"Yeah, Tot?"  
  
"I was wondering... "  
  
Before she could finish, I heard it. That damned voice. That once voice that's been haunting my dreams for the past seven years.  
  
Him.  
  
That God-damned fucking bastard who dared call himself 'father.'  
  
"All right, Nagi! You can do it!" I spun around, staring. I know now, for a fact, that I was never missed. That man---my fucking father---is playing ball with that kid.  
  
That kid he replaced me with.  
  
That kid with the blonde hair and the purple eyes who looks nothing like me, and who obviously doesn't have the psychic gifts I was given.  
  
God damn. I'd been replaced.  
  
I hadn't thought Tot had noticed, but surprisingly enough she did. She always surprises me. I actually thought she would just say something about how that kid and I had the same name.  
  
Guess not.  
  
"Hey! Hey you!" she shouted, jumping up and glaring over at him. He--- that bastard---turned and looked at her. So did that kid. I stood up next to her, hoping she wasn't about to do what I thought she was going to do.  
  
"How d'you know Nagi-kun?!"  
  
He gaped, staring at her. "What're you---?" he begins, but I cut him off. It's bad enough the bastard left me alone as a child. But to replace me entirely... ?  
  
"It's good to see you again, Father," I called out. The man stared in shock, his eyes searching over my face before it hit him.  
  
"N-... Nagi... ?"  
  
I continued to glare at him. It's as if all the hatred and rage I ever felt towards this man was rising to the top, bubbling over, like when you shake a soda can before opening it.  
  
I could've killed him.  
  
I could've, right then. And end that part of sadness in my life. And it wouldn't have been hard, either. Isn't that my job? Killing people?  
  
But then that damn kid... my own damned replacement would be fatherless.  
  
Kami shimatta.  
  
Why does my conscience act up now?  
  
Tot looked up at me before clutching at my arm. I think she understood the turmoil I was going through better than I did. I mean, afterall, she did have an abusive bastardized father of her own once...  
  
"That's right, Father. It's me, Nagi Naoe. You know," I glared at him, hoping to make his insides squeam. "Your son. The one you got rid of all those years ago."  
  
I was glad to see him go pale. After everything he did, he deserved it.  
  
"N-Nagi... " Why was he stammering? Dammit, he was glad to get rid of me.  
  
"Daddy?" I looked down at that kid. I seriously would like to know what those morons were thinking by adopting him. Blonde hair, purple eyes... ? There is no way I look like that! Who do they think they're kidding?  
  
I should've known. Replaced by a damn orphan. Never mind making their own kid, let's go adopt one.  
  
Cheap bastards. They were probably afraid they'd end up with another telekinetic child.  
  
"Daddy?" The damned kid again. Probably doesn't even realize he's a replacement child. Can't those two morons ever figure out that they're not helping any by screwing over more kids?  
  
"Daddy, who is that? How does he know you? Daddy!"  
  
"Go play with your boat!" the boy's father, my father, bellowed. Still the same temper, I see. The kid pouted but obeyed. As he walked off, I noticed several large bruises on the backs of his arms.  
  
If there was any doubt before, it's gone now. This man hadn't changed at all.  
  
"So. Screwing me over wasn't bad enough, huh? You had to go and replace me just so you'd still get government checks." I heard Tot grab for her umbrella. I somehow managed to touch her hand and prevent her from killing him then and there. She would do it, too; I know she would, but I wanted answers first.  
  
He glared at us. God, when I start to think... That could be me in five, ten years. I could look just like that...  
  
I shudder, glad for once that my school uniform is so large. He can't see my disgust. I know I'm pretty small for my age, but at least I'm not a jerk like he is.  
  
We have the same hair. Much as I hate to admit it, we do look alike, my biological father and I. Except that he's taller, more muscular. Bigger, in general. I look like a shrimp standing next to him, the king of lobsters. At least I don't have his eyes. His are the same brown as dirt, which shows his worth.  
  
I got my damned mother's blue eyes. The only good thing I ever got from her, in my opinion.  
  
"Heh. Nagi. Whaddaya know." He laughed. I frowned. I didn't find any of this funny. Neither did Tot.  
  
"What are the odds I'd end up meeting you, here of all places... ?"  
  
"Considering the surplussed size of the city, the location of your shitty home and my own apartment... Pretty good, actually." I looked up, aware that he was staring as I floated my umbrella to my hand lazily. "Only about five to one odds, really."  
  
He stared at me in shock. Good. I was glad. I glanced over at Tot and saw that she, too, was unnerved by the flying umbrella. She was much more interested in scowling at my dead-beat father.  
  
"Apartment... ? You have an apartment... ?"  
  
I narrowed my eyes. "Yes. What of it?"  
  
So I lied. It's not just my apartment; it belongs to all of Schwarz. But he didn't have to know that. Let him think what he wanted, I really don't care. I just wanted him to feel pain.  
  
Tot grabbed at my arm, and began tugging at my sleeve. "Nagi-kun!" she whispered, and I turned to look at her.  
  
"Yeah, Tot?" I almost smiled. I couldn't help it. Just looking into her bright, blue eyes...  
  
"Would Nagi-kun mind if Tot hurt that bad man? She wants to make him suffer, since he hurt Nagi... "  
  
"Later," I promised, touching my finger to her lips. I heard my father's disgusted grunts, and frankly... he can shove it.  
  
With a forklift.  
  
Right up his ass.  
  
"So. Found yourself a little whore, have you, kid?"  
  
I froze, slowly turning back to face him. He laughed. Loudly. I could feel my own eye twitch as my brain slowly registered what he had just said. I heard Tot gasp and clutch at my arm again, tighter than before. My anger shot up, but I somehow managed to remain calm.  
  
On the surface, anyway. Inside I was ready to rip him to pieces with my own bare hands.  
  
Hell. Maybe I should just have let Farfarello have at him. That would solve things.  
  
"What did you just say... ?"  
  
I was surprised he'd heard me. I had thought my teeth were clenched far too tightly for audible speech.  
  
He turned, and that man---my own damned father---laughed. Again. Harsher than he had previously. I felt my anger rising, and I had to fight to keep from blowing him away right then.  
  
"Aw, don't pretend ya didn't hear, boy!" 'Boy?' Since when had I been 'boy'? Not since I was a little kid, and he was still my abusive, drunkie father.  
  
A sudden thought struck me. I was only fifteen. What if... what if he tried to force me back with him? I'd be powerless! Damn... ! I never really thought about it before, but... being a minor... That man had the legal rights to make me live with him, and not Schwarz!  
  
Okay, sure, so Brad would get a damn good lawyer and I'd be back with Schwarz in under a week. Still... even a week with that man would be like having to relive my entire past. Like living in the depths of hell...  
  
I don't think I could do it. Not even for a day. All those memories would come flying back, and, well... it wouldn't be pretty.  
  
"So. You're still alive. I woulda thought you'd be dead by now, boy." Again with the 'boy' thing. You'd think it was my name or something.  
  
I decided not to say anything, but I continued to glower at him. Schu says I have a glare to rival Crawford's. If that's even half true, it should at least make this man regret his decisions, let alone think about attempting suicide in retribution.  
  
I was hoping that he would go insane with regret and jump into the lake in an attempt of suicide. But either one would suit me fine.  
  
Tot lunged forward before I could stop her.  
  
"You---! You awful, awful man!" she shouted, unable to control her own rage. She waved her umbrella in his face, forcing him to back up as she continued to yell. I reached out to stop her, but she was too far gone.  
  
"You're a bad man! You hurt my Nagi!" I blushed. I mean, I know I shouldn't've, but...  
  
"The hell are you---?"  
  
"You... you shut up and leave Nagi alone!"  
  
I heard a splash, and I was actually shocked to see that Tot had him---my father, that is---backed up, nearly into the lake itself.  
  
I would've applauded her, in a different scenario.  
  
My father looked behind him and then at Tot. I couldn't help but feel a sudden surge of horror. Something bad... he was planning something...  
  
"Daddy!"  
  
My freaking Mini-Me finally noticed his 'father' being hounded. Took him long enough. He ran over, but his 'father' scowled at him.  
  
"Shuddup, boy, and go home! And tell your mother not to burn anything, or I'll beat you both twice as hard!"  
  
The boy whimpered, and Tot growled. She never liked abusive people, and continued to push my 'father' into the lake as my replacement ran home. But I couldn't shake the feeling that he was planning something.  
  
I was right.  
  
Before I could run over and pry Tot away, that damn bastard grabbed her, with his fucking filthy hands, and almost immediately drew a gun from inside his coat.  
  
I could feel my blood run cold.  
  
Oh God. Oh God. No, not that... please, God, anything but that...  
  
"Let her go. Now." Even I was amazed at the ferocity of my own tone. But I didn't care what he did to me, not as long as Tot remained safe.  
  
In fact... I really wished it was me over there, with that gun barrel pressed into my temple. I fervently prayed to God that we (Tot and I) would switch places, with no such luck.  
  
"Ha! No way, boy!" I felt my anger swelling... and I was very much aware of the gravel, shaking and hovering around my feet. He noticed too, and clicked the gun out of safety, pressing it even harder against Tot's head.  
  
"Nagiiiii!" she screamed. God, I can actually feel my heart ripping to shreds... I can't stand it. I have to do something. I can't sit here and watch her die... watch him destroy even more of my life than he already has!  
  
"Why are you doing this?!" Tears choked my words, but I couldn't care less.  
  
Oh, God... Tot, forgive me. Please, Tot, forgive me...  
  
He laughed, saying nothing, only holding the gun close to her still. God... why is he laughing?! It's just like before... exactly like before...  
  
//Flashback\\  
  
A five-year old boy sits under the kitchen table, crying. His clothing, like his mother's, is soiled and in rags. He continues to cry out in hunger while his mother scolds him from over at the stove.  
  
"Mama, Mama... please, Mama, I'm hungry... "  
  
"Be quiet, Nagi, I don't have time for this right now!"  
  
"But Mama---"  
  
"I said be quiet!" she yelled, slamming her fist onto the table. The boy whimpered and his tears become reduced to sobs. Before he could calm down completely, a large bulk of a man---his father---barged into the room, slamming his weight onto the table so the boy would cry out in fear.  
  
The man laughed harshly as Nagi scampered out from under the table, peering at his father with large, dark, sunken eyes.  
  
"BOY!" the man yelled suddenly, and the small child cringed. The man laughed at the boy's fear, mocking him and cutting at him with an invisible knife of sorts.  
  
"Stupid kid," he muttered, shoving past him. The mother gazed fearfully as Nagi went back under the table and her husband neared her.  
  
"Please... " she whimpered, but the man didn't listen. Instead, he growled and shoved her away from the stove. She skidded across the dirty floor, standing now in between the boy and his father.  
  
"You call this trash food?!" The man overturned the pots on the stove, the boiling liquids scalding his family. They cried out, but he didn't seem to notice. Instead, he laughed at their pain.  
  
"ARGH! Kami shimatta, onna!" The man was getting angrier, more violent. He tore at the knives in the holder on the wall, finally managing to grasp hold of one of the larger, more deadlier blades. Without a second thought, he hurled it at the woman, laughing hideously.  
  
The woman screamed and dove out of the way. Nothing was blocking the knife's path to the boy now. She looked back at him, her own son, then turned away, ready to let him die in vain.  
  
The boy's dark eyes filled with horror, and he squinted them shut, praying and thinking and wishing that he would not die, that the knife would drop. He sat quietly as no pain came.  
  
Nagi opened his eyes a moment later, then gasped. His parents were staring as well.  
  
The large knife was suspended in midair, only a few centimeters from hitting the boy right betwixt the eyes. As soon as the boy blinked it fell to the ground with a clang. The man's face grew very red with the anger, and the woman's very pale. Suddenly the man struck out, slamming his fist into the woman's jaw as hard as he could.  
  
*CRACK!*  
  
"Devil powers! God-damned boy has God-damned devil powers!"  
  
The woman yelped, ducking to protect her son from her husband's blind rage. "Please," she gasped, blood mingling with sweat as it fell to the floor. "Please, don't hurt our boy... "  
  
"Boy ain't mine! I ain't no God-damned devil!"  
  
"Please---!"  
  
"URUSAI!"  
  
Their shouts were becoming louder and more desperate. The young boy whimpered and looked at the knife laying on the floor, semi-forgotten in all the commotion. Why hadn't it hit him? Had God stopped it from killing him, or was his father right? Was he really a... a devil?  
  
"Please, don't---!"  
  
*CRACK!*  
  
"I can whatever the hell I want, woman!" The oldest Naoe glared at his wife and child before hastily reaching down and gripping the knife in one fist, the other hand reaching out to force the young boy next to him into a tight headlock.  
  
"No!" the woman screamed, bright blue eyes flashing with tears. "Don't hurt Nagi! He's your son---your son!"  
  
The man glared back at her, swishing the knife through the air to aim at her. "You don't shut up, I'll kill you next!"  
  
She gasped and froze. "No... No, you wouldn't! Please, no!"  
  
"I'll do what I damn well please, bitch," he growled, staring down at her angrily. "And if this is what I please... "  
  
"Don't! Please, please, don't... " Tears were streaming down her face as she could only watch her small son whimper from his place in the headlock, then her husband, aiming a deadly knife straight at her heart.  
  
"Oh, 'please' is it?! Are we being polite today? Oh, please, may I stab you? May I rip you? Please?" The man laughed coldly, never once hesitating. "If you think you can just ask and things will go fine, you're wrong. Dead wrong."  
  
Before the young woman could say anything, the man dropped Nagi onto the floor. He turned and raised the knife high over his head as the boy began screaming in fear.  
  
"Noooooo!" The woman jumped to tug her husband away only to have him turn around and slash her arm. She screamed again, falling to the ground clutching at her bleeding wrist. The man growled and lunged again, slashing thrice more and wounding her neck, shoulder, and abomen. She dropped to the floor a bloody mess as he shook his head sadly.  
  
"Pathetic," the man growled, dropping the knife to the ground with a clatter and storming to the door.  
  
"I'll be back in an hour," he snapped, glaring down at Nagi as he tugged on his hat and coat. "You better have your things packed by then or else!"  
  
That said he left, and the boy ran over to his mother, now bleeding heavily and slipping in and out of unconsciousness. "Mama... ?" he asked timidly, afraid that she was too far gone to be saved.  
  
"Why... couldn't you... have... spared... m-m-me... ?" she croaked, eyes glazing over slowly. She was losing too much blood from her wounds, and her body was shaking violently.  
  
"Mama!" The boy tried shaking her shoulders, but all that managed to do was cause her to shake even more.  
  
"Mama!" he yelled again, clutching her hand in his own grimy ones. She opened one eye laboriously and reached out to touch his face.  
  
"N-Nagi... " she whispered. The boy leaned closer so she wouldn't have to reach so, and he felt her cool fingertips touch his face before she pulled her hand back and slapped him as hard as she could. Tears stung his eyes as he watched her one eye glare at him coldly.  
  
"You... did this... to... me.... ee... " Her muscles began spasming as she began heaving. Vomit mixed with blood and tears as she shuddered again before losing the battle to unconsciousness and eventually death as well.  
  
Nagi's lip trembled as he shook at his mother's shoulder, trying to awaken her. It didn't work, and he tried calling her name. Still, nothing happened. Tears racked his body and he could see a bright light emitting from soewhere close as he began shouting, "Mama... MAMAAAAAAAAAA---!"  
  
***  
  
When he awoke an hour later, he was in the backseat of the car. He sat up slowly before glancing out the window and gasping. The entire apartment complex---as well as the two on each side---were nothing more than a pile of debris. The young boy gasped and looked up at the driver's seat to where his father was seated, scowling at him through the rearview mirror.  
  
"Look what you did, boy... Now what should I do with the hellion I used to call my own? Killin' his own mother... What a shame, what a shame... "  
  
The boy stayed quiet as the car drove on for hours. By the time he finally worked up the nerve to ask where they were headed, the man slowed and pulled the car into park. Grinning haphazardly over the seat, he spoke only one sentence: "Do be sure and die, won't you?"  
  
Before Nagi could reply or even ask what was going on the man grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and tossed him out the open door of the car. He landed in a puddle, shrieking in surprise. He stood up and began to walk back only to see his father slam the door shut and hit the gas has hard as he could.  
  
Even in thge darkness, he could still hear the last line his father was shouting: "Good riddance, devil boy... ! Good riddance.... !!"  
  
//End Flashback\\  
  
Why... why did he do that to us so many years ago? Why was my mother--my own mother, my flesh and blood---willing to sacrifice me that she might live?  
  
No... not again... I wouldn't let it happen again!  
  
I summoned up all my strength, prepared to blast the gun right out of his hand and heave him into the lake. But before I could attempt it, he began to speak again. And I stopped and listened.  
  
But I don't know why I did it.  
  
"Oh no ya don't, boy! If you even so much as think about using your crazy devil powers, I'll make sure the girl dies nice an' slow... "  
  
I felt my willpower take a sudden nosedive. I started to reach out to her, but my hand drop uselessly to my side. I fall to the ground on my knees, shaking.  
  
How can I save her without using my own powers... ?  
  
Tot was growing more scared by the minute. I could tell by her eyes. God, please, let us switch places! I can't bear to watch this much longer!  
  
"Nagiiiiii! Nagi, help! Help! Please, save Tot! Please, Nagi, save me! Save me like before! Nagiiiiiii!" Shimmering tears fell from her eyes as she reached her hand out toward me. I reached mine out to her, but then my father grunted and stepped back, his feet splashing in the water as the wavered the gun ever-so slightly, making sure to grab my attention.  
  
I let my hand drop to my side, defeated.  
  
That man was friggin' serious. He'd do it... just to spite me, if nothing else.  
  
God... how can my life get any worse off than it is now?  
  
//Cha. It can't, kid. Haven't you figured that out by now?\\  
  
I blinked, looking up. Was that... was that Schuldig's voice I'd just heard?  
  
//Ding-ding! Tell the kid he's won!\\  
  
"Schuldig?" I whispered. My father grunted, leering at me from his position in the shallow waters.  
  
"The hell are you sayin', boy?! Tryin' some kinda queer ol' Gypsy curse?!"  
  
"No," I shouted back. "I wouldn't waste my breath on that crap." He glared, and Tot whimpered pitifully. Once he'd decided that I wasn't up to anything, he grunted once more and pressed the gun to her head, a little harder this time.  
  
My hands clenched into fists and my knuckles went white. My God... she doesn't deserve this...  
  
//Hey, Mini-Brad? You ain't even gonna try and save your girlfriend? Tch, I'd hate to be her right now... \\  
  
//But it's not that easy, Schuldig... he's got a gun to her head... and if he even thinks I'm using my powers, he'll kill her... And I don't want her to die!\\  
  
My mind was running on empty. I couldn't think of anything to help her... all I could do was just sit there, drowning in my memories and in pain while she was over there, the helpless victim of my genetics.  
  
Please, God... please, do what I can't! Please... please, save Tot!  
  
//Nagi, Nagi, Nagi... you act like you don't even have a plan. That's pretty sad, kid. Probably shouldn't tell Herr Crawford about that... \\  
  
I made a face. //What are you going on about, Schuldig?\\  
  
//You'll see... \\  
  
I didn't think I'd ever understand them, Schu or my 'dad.' Neither one was making any sense whatsoever. I just kept hoping that Schu had a plan.  
  
When I think back, I don't even know why I was worried. I mean, I didn't even think to wonder why Schu was talking to me telepathically or how he knew what was going on.  
  
"Why are you doing this?!" I shouted out, tears blurring my vision. "The hell did she do to deseve this?!"  
  
The man spat into he water before responding. "Boy!" he shouted, and I felt that familiar surge of hatred run through me. "You need to learn manners!"  
  
"Manners?! You're the one holding the gun up to my girlfriend's head!" I don't know why I said it. I really don't. But a few seconds later I was regretting my decision to announce Tot's status out loud...  
  
//Ha HA! Way to go, Mini-Brad! Now Regular-Sized-Brad will have a field day... I knew you were going to come clean sooner or later! Ah ha ha, now Brad's gonna owe me some money... !\\  
  
I would've buried my face if I could, and tried to keep hidden from them. But I was more worried about how to save Tot than about how badly Crawford was going to lecture me, so I wisely decided to ignore Schu and focused on saving Tot.  
  
Turns out it was already covered.  
  
"Mr. Naoe. If I were you, I'd let the girl go. Now."  
  
That voice... could it be... ?  
  
I turned, as did my 'father', and Tot looked over as well. And I swear to God, I almost cried with happiness.  
  
Brad Crawford had come to save me again.  
  
*****  
  
"Mr. Naoe..." Brad's voice was as cool and collected as ever. It was like he was in a board meeting, not out here trying to save Tot and myself. I had to admire him, but at the same time, wonder if he was only out here on his own accord and not for my benefit.  
  
But hey. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.  
  
I suddenly realized that Brad was not alone. Schuldig and Farf were both here, too. Schu grinned crookedly and waved to me. Farfarello just smirked, but boy, was I happy to see them...  
  
Brief sunlight glinted off Crawford's glasses as he spoke again, to my so- called 'father.' "I'd let the girl go if I were you, Mr. Naoe. Now." There was something in his voice that made a chill run down my spine...  
  
Schuldig took one good look at me and laughed. //Sheesh, kid... you'd think a group of notorious, maniacal assassins were coming after you or something...\\ Schu laughed at his own joke. Brad raised an eyebrow, and Schu quieted down. Farfarello cocked his head to one side and walked over to me.  
  
I think the sight of him in that bondage strip made my father gasp. Or maybe it was his eyepatch. Maybe it was all his scars---I didn't really care. Just as long as he was scared, right?  
  
Personally, I was glad that there was still one member of Schwarz who would pick me up when I was down... I gratefully accepted Farfarello's help in standing up, and walked back with him to stand next to Schu. It was then I noticed the large, moving sack behind where Farfarello had been standing.  
  
Schuldig noticed my gaze, and snickered.  
  
"Don't worry, Nagi," he muttered, making sure my father couldn't hear us. "That there's our Trump card, if ya know what I mean... "  
  
I didn't know what he meant, but I didn't care, either. I just wanted to know how Brad was going to rescue my Tot.  
  
"Mr. Naoe, I won't ask again. Just let the girl go now."  
  
My father was pissed off. He thought I had used my powers to bring everyone here. I could tell it by his eyes... God damn...  
  
"You... you never asked in the first place!" he bellowed, pulling my Tot into a headlock and cocking his gun anew. I felt my knees shake and my stomach lurch. Brad turned around quickly and glared at me. I don't know how, but I managed to stay upright, if a little shaky.  
  
Suddenly, my 'father' turned and stared long and hard at Brad, who was more than happy to return the glare.  
  
He stopped suddenly, lifting Tot's head up with his fist. "Ohh... I get it now... so, my pansy-assed kid has to go beggin' for work now, huh? What's the matter, boy? Afraid to fess up? Ha!"  
  
Brad's glasses glinted again. "Mr. Naoe, I ask you to reconsider. Let the girl go... or we will make you."  
  
"Ha! You wouldn't dare come at meh when I have the boy's precious little whore in my hands!" He laughed. Tot squirmed nervously.  
  
"Nagi-kuuuuuun! Help! Please... "  
  
I twitched. I felt my hand twitching dangerously close to one of Farf's knives. Fortunately, Schuldig noticed and batted my hand away. It was then that I noticed the angered look on his face.  
  
"Schu... ?"  
  
"That's a cheap shot," he growled, sliding his hand into the pocket of his double-breasted blazer. I knew already that he was reaching for his gun. "Using a woman to try and piss us off..."  
  
I blinked. Was Schuldig saying what I thought he was saying... ? That he was actually... worried... ?  
  
"Damn straight, Nagi. I don't really care if she was in Schreient or not right now, kid. The hell does he have against you, anyway?"  
  
"I'm alive. And he's quite pissed off about it, but you already knew that," I replied bitterly. Schuldig stared quietly for a moment before speaking.  
  
"So... he's your real dad, huh... " I nodded in response.  
  
"Yeah... but that's nothing to be proud of." I kicked at the dirt below my shoes. I couldn't help but worry over Tot's safety. I mean, now that Schwarz is here, 'dad' might get desperate and... I gulped, trying to force my mind to steer clear of that. Brad's here. Brad's clairvoyant. He wouldn't let that happen... would he?  
  
//'Course not, Mini-Brad. You oughta know better than that... \\ Schu grunted and tapped Brad on the shoulder. The American nodded without ever once taking his eyes off my father.  
  
//It was Braddie's idea to come here, anyway... \\  
  
I've never surprised by much, but that was some shocking news.  
  
"What?!" It had been Crawford's idea? How was that even possible?  
  
Schu grinned. //You heard me... See, Brad was reading his paper and I was sort of... trying to make him pay attention to me... \\ It's hard not to laugh. Schu says that so seriously, too... not like he'd need to do much to get Brad's attention. Crawford loves him.  
  
It's no surprise that they're together. Even though they act like imbeciles most of the time.  
  
//I heard that, kid, now shuddup and listen for a minute. I was just running through his mind, and whammo! He gets a vision.\\  
  
That caught my interest. //Really? So he foresaw this happening?\\  
  
//Yes and no. He foresaw... actually, we foresaw something a lot worse.\\  
  
I raised my eyebrow. //'We?'\\  
  
//Yes, 'we.' I was in his head when it happened, so I saw it too. Actually, it was pretty freaky, kid... All we saw was a pool of blood on the ground, her umbrella flying into the wind, and you guys' hands--- clasped together, not that you really care right now---lying in said pool of blood. Scared the shit out of me, kid.\\  
  
It scared me, too. The fact that my death had been foreseen... and that it had actually scared Schu...there was definately something unnerving about that.  
  
"Schuldig?"  
  
He looked down at me. "Yeah, Nagi?"  
  
My face was blank. I could feel the pain and anger inside me welling up, crushing into a ball and slamming into the pit of my stomach. "I want to do it."  
  
"Wha-...?"  
  
"I want to be the one who... you know... "  
  
Schu stared at me for a long time. I think he was trying to read my face, but I was devoid of all emotions.  
  
I don't think I've ever been so angry or so serious in all my life.  
  
Schu nudged Farf, and as the Irishman stepped forward, Schu turned back and knelt in front of me in one swift motion.  
  
"And here I was thinking I was the evil one... " He reached out to mess up my hair. I knocked his hand away.  
  
"If you knew him, you'd want him dead, too." He nodded.  
  
"Yeah, I guess I can see your point, but Gott... ! Killing your own fausher... ?"  
  
A chill ran down my spine as Tot cried out in pain from having the gun barrel pressed into her temple for the umpteenth time. "That man is not my father."  
  
After a moment, Schu stood up and nodded. "All right, Mini-Brad." It was good to see his sense of humor was still alive. "You do what you need to to save your girl."  
  
"One problem."  
  
"And that is... ?"  
  
"See that man over there?" I said, rather sarcastically, pointing towards my 'father.' "Well, if he even thinks I'm about to use my powers, then he'll use that gun. Or has that thought not occurred to you?" I rolled my eyes.  
  
Schuldig grinned. "Don't worry, Mini-Brad. I told you, Brad had this planned." Just as he finished saying that, Farf came back, dragging the sack behind him. He dropped it in front of Brad proudly.  
  
I paused to study it, when it lurched. "Ack! Schu, what's in that?"  
  
He grinned mischiveously. "Wouldn't you like to know... "  
  
I scowled. "Yes, actually, I would! How is that going to save my girlfriend?" Whoops. One thing too many. I'm screwed now...  
  
Brad grunted, and I groaned. I knew I was in for it now. The mother of all lectures... but he would wait until after Tot was safe, right?  
  
....right?  
  
Suddenly, my crazed 'father' decided he'd had enough of us. Without warning, he turned the gun away from Tot and at us. My heart actually stopped beating for a few moments as I watched him aim the barrel towards Brad and pull the trigger.  
  
*BANG*  
  
Schu's face went pale. "Brad!" he shouted. He started forward, then froze. Brad had jumped out of the way only a few moments before. For a minute I thought everything was okay. Until I heard HIM start up again.  
  
"What the hell is that?"  
  
I looked down and gasped. The... sack of whatever it was had been shot instead of Brad. Dark red blood was oozing out of it, and I felt like I was going to be sick.  
  
Oh, God... that could've been Crawford if he hadn't jumped... and it would've been me if they hadn't come...  
  
Tot looked as sick as I felt. Her face nearly went green and I could tell she wanted to vomit.  
  
Brad sighed sadly and shook his head. "We warned you, Mr. Naoe." He signalled Farfarello, who was all too happy to unwrap the sack and dump the contents onto the ground.  
  
The moment it hit the ground, I knew I was going to be sick. I had to turn and wretch on the grass behind me where my 'father' couldn't see. I was a trained assassin and I couldn't even handle the sight of it.  
  
The thing... that was in that bag... it had been him. The little boy who they'd replaced me with.  
  
The second Nagi Naoe.  
  
*****  
  
The look on that damn bastard's face was impossible to forget. I think he covered every single emotion in the book, except for grief and sadness. At first, he was shocked, then bitter, resentful, angry, plotful, decieving, hurt, and then angry again. But never once did he seem sad for the loss of his fake son.  
  
I've said it before and I'll say it again. The man is a bastard.  
  
Taking one more disgusted look at the bloodied heap, that man---'father'--- turns and glares at Crawford. "You... ! You won't get away with that! Killin' off my boy... " An evil smirk lingered on his face. It reminded me of Schu whenever Crawford had too much to drink.  
  
"You'll go to jail... "  
  
Crawford smiled back, never flinching at all. "Oh? Well then, I suppose you'll already be in there for abuse... attempted murder... and let's not forget how you left your own son alone on a street corner because he was different from you."  
  
'Father' glared. "'Differ'nt?' Friggin'-A! That damn kid---" he glared at me, tightening his grip on Tot and making sure to press his gun to her head again "---has freaking devil powers! Don't you get it?! Boy ain't no good to anyone!" He laughed insanely. Brad continued to glare.  
  
"That's where you're wrong, Mr. Naoe." Even in the face of death, Crawford still remained cool. Probably because he could see the future. There are times I wished he would actually show fear and at least pretend to be human.  
  
Then again, there are also times when being that collected really paid off. Like then, for instance. I highly doubt that that freak would be intimidated by anyone that wasn't Brad-like.  
  
"Whereas you cannot see the full extent of his powers, we can. Not only that... " Brad grinned, that evil grin of his he always gets when he's about to do something really Schu-ish, "but we ourselves are able to compliment his powers with our own."  
  
That took the air out of dad's sails. He actually lowered his gun a considerable amount, and Tot cried out in hope.  
  
Now was our chance. And I had a plan.  
  
//Schuldig! I need you to take over his mind, now!\\ I stepped back slightly, trying to hide behind Brad so he wouldn't be able to notice me. I've been told that my eyes glow when I use my powers, and that would be the last thing I needed that bastard to see.  
  
He raised an eyebrow. //Whatever for, Mini-Brad?\\  
  
I scowled. //Just do it, would ya? Sheesh... \\ I concentrated for a moment, forming the plan in my mind.  
  
It was simple, but rather sophisticated at the same time. Very Braddish. But it was something that my father would never suspect. Personally, I thought it was a good plan. I just hoped it would work.  
  
I glanced at Schu quickly, and noticed his eyes were shining. My father had slowed down, his eyes twitching. I shuddered. I had known since childhood that he had a strong resistance to mental powers. Even now, he was fighting Schuldig off. But it was my only chance, and I was more than ready to take it.  
  
I couldn't risk the gun or Tot. There was a good chance that a surge of anger would put my father in control of his mental battle. But there was one thing my father didn't know about.  
  
Tot had brought her umbrella with her today.  
  
And an angry Tot with her umbrella is a scary thing. I've seen her fight, and trust me---Bombay might still be nursing his wounds after what she did to him last time. She just has that affect on people.  
  
Before my 'father' had time to lose his fight, I had Tot's umbrella floating. Not very high, mind you---my plan would be ruined if he saw it. Fortunately, it had rolled down a hill and was behind the two (him and my Tot-chan). Very carefully, I floated it over to Tot slowly, before gently tapping her palm with its handle. She blinked and looked over at me. I might've smiled if I wasn't in concentration. She glanced down at her hand and her face lit up.  
  
Please, Tot... just take your umbrella and slash him once... get free, and come back to me... please, Tot...  
  
"Schuldig!" Brad yelled, breaking mine and Schu's concentration. Fortunately, Tot already had a firm grip on her umbrella, and my father... ? Well, he just thought he'd won the battle versus Schu.  
  
Moronic bastard.  
  
"Geeze, Brad, what the hell---?" Schu began, but he was cut off by a loud, pain-filled scream. I looked up in time to see that since my father hadn't yet been able to move the gun back into a threatening position, Tot had taken the advantage and slashed him in the stomach with her umbrella spike.  
  
Repeatedly.  
  
Crimson blood fell from the wound, and my 'father' fell to his knees, clutching at his gullet. Tot was finally able to slip away from him, and she smiled as she popped her spike back into the umbrella as if nothing had happened.  
  
God, I love that girl...  
  
"Tot!"  
  
"Nagi-kun!"  
  
I ran forward, but I didn't have far to go. She had already run away from my detestable 'father' and literally threw herself at me. I somehow managed to catch her and stay upright, but I'm not sure how.  
  
I think Schuldig had something to do with it.  
  
"Oh, Nagi-kun, I was so scared! She thought she was ging to... to...!" She buried her face into my chest, and I wrapped a comforting arm around her, pulling her close to me. Her shoulders were shaking, and it dawned on me, suddenly...  
  
"Tot? Are you... are you crying... ?" I couldn't believe it. I had thought that she would be upset---no, I knew she'd be upset, but I had figured that she would be angry, not sad... I mean, what reason did she have to be sad?  
  
//Cha. You have a lot to learn about women, Mini-Brad. That one's not sad at all. Just happy.\\  
  
//But Schuldig, she's crying---\\  
  
//Tears of happiness, kid. She's glad you saved her.\\ I blinked, staring down at the figure who was currently wrapping herself around me, her tears leaving a dark stain on my shirt. This girl was supposed to be happy?  
  
I thought Schu had finally lost it.  
  
//Ha ha. Actually, I lost it a long time ago. And trust me, I don't miss it one bit...\\  
  
I frowned, gently tousling with Tot's hair as she stood up and wiped tears from her eyes. I frowned again as she looked up at me with a smile on her lips. She saw it (my frown, that is) and cocked her head, waiting to see what the matter was.  
  
//Happy... ? She shouldn't be happy. Not about me, anyway. I couldn't do anything to save her. She saved herself.\\  
  
Schuldig turned around to stare at me. Was it really so hard to believe? That I wasn't to be thanked for anything? I was the reason she'd had a gun placed to her head in the first place! What right did I have to be thanked for that?  
  
//Who came up with that plan, huh? Whose idea was it to distract the guy while also floating a certain weapon into the hands of his captor?\\ Schu was relentless. He seemed so damn sure of himself... but I knew I didn't deserve any thanks. If only I'd died, like my father had wanted... then Tot wouldn't've been put in such a situation!  
  
//God damn it, Nagi Naoe!\\ Schu's mental voice sounded pissed. Royally pissed, to be precise. Which is hard, considering that his 'voice' is really more like an echo.  
  
//If you ever even dream about talking like that again... \\ Schu's 'voice' trailed off. I was stunned. Schuldig... he actually sounded like a worried friend or a mother or something...  
  
I faintly heard the swish of clothing and glanced up in time to see Crawford's hand reaching into his coat pocket and handing it to me. It. His gun. I stared at it for a moment before he grew tired and pressed it into my hands.  
  
I couldn't believe it. I really couldn't. And I probably would've stared at it for a long time if that man hadn't shouted out.  
  
"BOOOOOOO~OY!"  
  
He was mad. And I knew it, too. That stab wound wouldn't keep him from attempting to strangle me once he got back on his feet, and I was well aware of that. I was also well aware of the fact that he might go after Tot again---a thought that made me boil over with rage.  
  
I knew what I had to do, and the others did, too.  
  
"Go ahead, kid." Schu. I should've known he was all for this. The others all are, too. It's actually pretty reassuring... considering.  
  
"Hn. Go on, Nagi, we have work to do." Crawford was, is, and forever will be Crawford, I guess. And he was right. We did have work to do. But this... this couldn't wait, unlike all that shit we had waiting for us at home. This needed to be taken care of now, before things blow sky high...  
  
Even Farfarello was agreeing. Which was odd, considering... well, considering his severe dislike of Tot. "Pain and suffering were put on this world by God to test us, Nagi. Kill him now, and make the suffering end."  
  
Farf can be scary at times. Like when he starts going on about how he's the victim of religion. But at the same time, he wants the world to be peaceful and free from war and hate. Deep down, he's still sane. Just... not at the surface, or anywhere we can see.  
  
"Nagi-kun... " I looked up, amazed to see Tot reach out and put her hand on the gun. She waited for me to look up at her to talk again.  
  
"You... you need to get rid of that bad man! He hurts too many people, and I don't... wanna... see.... anybody else get hurt!" I stared at her as she lifted the gun from my hands, lifting it up into the light, before pressing it back into my palm. She folded my fingers around its shaft along with her own before turning to look me straight in the eye.  
  
God... I love her eyes... her hair, her smile, her laugh, everything about Tot.  
  
A sudden thought hit me then. A thought that filled me with fear and pain.  
  
What if someone else felt that same way about... about another person? And then my 'father' killed that special someone?  
  
He'd only threatened Tot. What if... what if someone else hadn't been so lucky? I know an assassin shouldn't really think like that, but...  
  
I'm a member of Schwarz, and I'm proud of it. But we're not cold-blooded murderers, dammit. We only kill because we have to. It's our destiny... but... the thought of someone killing for fun? Killing innocent children, women, even old bastardized men like Crawford...  
  
//I'll make sure to tell our leader just what you really think of him, Nagi... \\  
  
//Go to hell.\\  
  
//Fine. But don't expect a nice reception when you come there for yourself.\\  
  
It's like I woke up from a dream just then. And I knew exactly what I needed to do in order to make things right.  
  
....dammit. That sounded so retarded and F'ed up... But I meant every word of it. And to save Tot, I'd do anything. I'd even go as far as to bring her back again, even if it meant sacrificing my own life to do it.  
  
And all because I love her...  
  
*****  
  
"Nagi-kun." Tot was still waiting for me to take action. Slowly, I flexed my fingers, gripping the gun in my hand, her fingers still entwined with my own. I could almost hear Schuldig start grinning, saying something to Brad that was probably some sort of perverted joke.  
  
Let them joke, I told myself. They've known each other for years. And they know what it's like to face their own demons, hurdles, pains, and terrors.  
  
And so do I.  
  
All my life I was mistreated, ignored, abused, and abandoned. And all because I was and am a telekinetic. And this man is the reason I never had a family.  
  
Because he was my family once. And he threw it all away, threw me away, like I was trash.  
  
And all because he didn't understand.  
  
"You're a cold, heartless bastard," I said quietly, my hand shaking with rage. Lucky for me that Tot kept her hand steady, keeping the gun from moving away from its intended target.  
  
"You're the reason I became the person I am today, you sick and twisted freak. Do you have any idea how strong the pain is in knowing that your own damn parents don't love you enough to accept you?"  
  
At this point, I'm surprised I didn't just let go and use my powers to rip his intestines out though his nostrils. It might've been fun to see him scream in agony as his insides came out where he could see them, before literally strangling him to death.  
  
But no. I wasn't about to do anything like that.  
  
Why? Because Crawford... he's like the father I never had. And I know that he wouldn't just hand me his gun so I could strangle the guy. No, this was different.  
  
He tried to kill Tot with a gun, and then he killed his own damn foster kid. And he would've tried to finish me off as well. So now he needs to know what it feels like to have his life snuffed out by a bullet, searing and tearing through his chest.  
  
... I secretly hoped that the bullet wouldn't kill him, and that he would die slowly, from an infection or from blood loss. He needed to learn what suffering is like. Maybe then he could learn to understand the pain I went though.  
  
My 'father' stood up slowly, eyes rivotted onto the gun that Tot and I were holding together. His hand was still clutching at his stomach, and fresh blood was dripping down his hands and self.  
  
Crawford smirked. I had to wonder then---was this all a part of his plan, or was he just ad-libbing?  
  
//No, Regular-sized-Brad always has a plan, Mini-Brad.\\  
  
I scowled at Schuldig, and he laughed softly.  
  
//Must you insist on calling me that?\\  
  
//Why, Nagi!\\ He was pretending to be shocked and apalled. //You mean you don't like your nickname?! And after I've been calling you that for sooo long! I thought you cared more than that...\\  
  
I took a quick moment to shake the bangs out of my eyes before answering. //You seem to have me confused with Crawford, Schuldig. He's the one you're fucking, not me.\\  
  
"Low blow," he grumbled out loud, a slight blush on his face. As hilarious as it was, there were more important things than picking on Brad and Schu's lovelife. And one of them was glaring at me.  
  
"You snivelling, cowardly, weaseling, no good, pathetic, shitty excuse for a child!" My, what colorful words were spilling from my father's wretched mouth.  
  
He was still ranting and raving as he struggled to his feet, and I noticed that blood was trickling down his lips. How bad were his stab wounds that he was coughing up blood?  
  
"When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna---"  
  
"Enough!" I blinked, gazing up at (to my surprise) Farfarello.  
  
"Farfarello... ?" I began, but apparently he felt the need to talk rather than listen. And since Farf's idea of 'conversation' usually involves some sort of blade... I decided to keep quiet, for a few moments at least.  
  
"You think that merely because your blood courses through his veins that you are his father?!" Farf bellowed at my pater. I was shocked---we all were---but Tot and I kept our hands on the gun, though I did click on the safety when Farfarello stepped in between us Naoes.  
  
"You're not a father. You're not even a son. You're just another soul twisted by this world, that God himself saw and never stopped from becoming corrupt. You're lower than low." Farf's eye gleamed, and Tot whimpered. My left hand on the gun, I wrapped my right around her. Her own left hand was drawn up to her chest, as she was deathly afraid of Farfarello, her right firmly on the other side of the gun shaft.  
  
The platinum-haired Irishman cocked his head to one side as my father swore loudly at him. "You think that just because you've been stabbed by her, that I won't do anything? Ha. I've done far worse to people with worse injuries."  
  
Tot yelped as he pulled one of his longer knives out of his coat, and I knew why right away---it was the very same type of blade he'd used against her. It wasn't hard to recognize---the style was different from his other blades, longer and slimmer, and with a handle shaped like devil's horns.  
  
My father's eyes grew wide. "You... you wouldn't... " And then he laughed, his hand never moving from his wound. "That's murder... "  
  
Farfarello smiled right back at him. "So it is. But that's never stopped us before."  
  
I thought my father would die from shock then. I was actually rather glad that he didn't, though, because that meant I could still get my own revenge.  
  
Schu cast me a sidewards glance. //'Revenge'? Holding a bit of a grudge, are we?\\  
  
//If you knew even half the things he did to me... \\  
  
//I'd probably want him dead too, right?\\ Schu laughed. It seemed comforting, but it was probably just to hide his own past.  
  
//Just remember, Nagi. Killing him might not solve everything.\\  
  
//But it will prevent him from doing more damage to others,\\ I fought back. //And if I can prevent him from screwing up another kid's life... \\ I trailed off. If Schu really wanted to know, all he had to do was read my mind.  
  
//That's noble of ya, Mini-Brad. Makes me proud.\\  
  
I smiled to myself. Tot smiled up at me too, and I squeezed her shoulder lightly. It felt nice, knowing that people cared about me, that I had a real family. Not just a shitty father who wouldn't give a damn if I lived, died, or even got replaced.  
  
There are times I really wondered about my genetics. I mean, how can a person live after knowing that they've allowed their child to die? That they've ripped their own flesh and blood away from them, leaving them to die, cold and alone?  
  
I couldn't even imagine what that would be like, knowing that a child---my child---was going through the hell I went through.  
  
So how could my father do that? Purposefully?  
  
It's the same as always---cold winds of the past blowing around, chilling people to the core with memories long forgotten. I'd heard that expression from somewhere, but I didn't remember where. But it was true---the coldest winds were those of the past.  
  
And my father was like an Arctic wind, straight out of the past and into the present.  
  
//Heh. Didn't know you were so good with words, kid... \\  
  
I scowled and made sure to glare at Schuldig. He yelped (quietly) and flipped his sunglasses down over his eyes as quickly as he could to avoid my eyes.  
  
"Mein Gott... For a minute there I thought I was looking at a real Chibi Brad... " Then Schu smiled and winked at me over the rims of his sunglasses. "And you always wondered where you earned your nickname, huh, Mini-Brad?"  
  
I scowled again, and the German laughed. It was an ongoing game for us--- try and insult the other to the point of yelling at each other verbally instead of mentally. I usually won, moreso because Schu became tired or got a headache than anything.  
  
"I dunno who you thinks you is," my father croaked out, "but I won' stan' fer this much longer."  
  
The stupid moron... Even after all of that, he was still willing to fight. I can't say I don't admire his pride there, but honestly, how stupid could someone be? Didn't he realize what kind of person he was?  
  
Anyone who'd get rid of their own son...  
  
"Listen, Mister Naoe... " The hell does Crawford have to try and reason with that bastard? God damn it, and God damn him. Not Crawford, of course- --my dad.  
  
"I don't believe you have anything left to say, and we have things to attend to. Tot, Nagi?"  
  
That's us... Strange. I never even thought to think about why Crawford used her name instead of just mine. Instead I just nodded and together we stepped foreward as Farfarello moved back. It was strange---Tot and I in front, with the other members of Schwarz in back? It didn't seem very logical---then again, neither was our self-proclaimed target.  
  
He was still on the ground, writhing about in agony. It was almost humorous to see him holding his stomach, blood spilling out over his knuckles and onto the dirt. At the same time, it was also fuel for my anger---that could've been me on the ground instead of his adopted kid. It could've been Tot.  
  
And I'll be damned if he hadn't been planning on killing us both.  
  
Thunder clapped in the distance, and the rain suddenly began falling again. I barely noticed it as the two of us held Brad's gun, aiming between the man's eyes. I could feel all the emotions I'd ever felt before in my life--- anger, remorse, love, pain, jealously---coming to a head, all of them directed towards this man.  
  
"Any last words?"  
  
His eyes widened as he finally realiuzed what we were planning on doing. "Please... you can't... I'm... I'm your... you can't... "  
  
I narrowed my eyes. Didn't he realize that he'd done the same thing to my mother so long ago? Bastard.  
  
"Some last words... " I wanted to add more, call him a shameless bastard who'd do anything for money, but I didn't. I don't quite know why, I just didn't.  
  
Schuldig coughed from behind. I glanced back quickly, making sure the gun stayed steady. Brad nodded, and I nodded back. Farfarello smiled dangerously, playfully tossing a knife back and forth between his hands before catching it and giving me a nod of his own.  
  
I looked back at my father, nothing but hatred in my vision. I smiled, wrapping my index finger around the trigger slowly. Tot did the same, her smaller finger resting gently on mine, both of which now tugging lightly at the trigger itself.  
  
And what were my last words to the man who'd deprived me of so much? Smiling, I said the one thing I'd always wanted to say to him: "Good-bye."  
  
Just 'good-bye', and that was it. Why make it longer and more drawn out than it was already?  
  
His eyes widened in fear, and he tried to call out, but before he can make a sound we did it. We pulled the trigger.  
  
His body seized up and his eyes rolled back into his head revealing the whites of his eyes as his limp body fell forward, blood pooling around him, the raindrops making ripples in his crimson puddles. Smoke from the end of the gun barrel reached my nose, and I made a face at the acrid smell.  
  
Tot reached out and touched my face with her left hand, and I smiled back at her, tossing Crawford's gun back to him. He caught it in one hand before safely tucking it away in his holster, smiling darkly.  
  
Schuldig whistled and kicked at the body of my now deceased father. "How'd he get to be like this, anyway, Nagi?"  
  
*****  
  
"How'd he get to be like this, anyway, Nagi?"  
  
I look up at Schu, shaking my head to get the wet hair out of my eyes. I let go of Tot's hand long enough to fish my umbrella out of the bloody puddle before standing up again and cupping my hand to hers.  
  
"He was always a bastard. I guess the karma just finally got to him," was my reply. Schu smiles that sneaky grin of his before wrapping an arm around Brad's shoulders suggestively and half-dragging Crawford away.  
  
I sigh and look down at the corpses in front of me. "Good-bye again, Father," I say, and Tot takes my hand in hers.  
  
"C'mon, Nagi-kun," she whispers, tugging me in the direction that my teammates are heading. "Let's go home."  
  
So I do.  
  
For the first time in my life, I can go home. Home to a place that will welcome me and accept me for who I am. And I can be happy with Schwarz and Tot.  
  
But the best part is just the fact that I'm going home.  
  
With no regrets.  
  
*************************************************************  
  
A/N: *passes out* Holy cheesecake! You people have no idea how long this took me to write... Not that any of you will get it, but the first scene is in the present tense. The second, much LARGER part is in the past, and the last scene is a mix of present and future.  
  
And I did it all in POV! Well, minus the flashback... ~_~ But that worked out better in the third person.  
  
And I'm going to go sleep now x_x This thing is 79 pages long. Dammit, I *deserve* sleep!  
  
---Gangsta Videl 


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